When I was 18 I left home to go to university. I was a only a couple of hours drive from where my parents lived but I don�t drive and I didn�t have a car. Plus their tempestuous relationship with my older sister and eventually me was more than enough to make the distance a blessing. Four years later I put even more miles between us and moved to London. It was at that point that I started calling home regularly and chatting with my mum. By the time we�d decided to move to Canada i was talking to her every Sunday morning without fail. Now it�s usually on Saturday mornings because we don�t want to wait an extra day. It�s taken me a long time to appreciate my parents. I�ve always been grateful for the things they have done to help me but I never really appreciated them as people. One of the reasons I need to go back home is because they are getting old and I want to spend some time with them. I have never been able to just pop over for a cup of tea after work, never been able to spend Saturdays shopping with my mum and I wasn�t there when they celebrated their 65th or any other birthdays. Time is running out and if I�m not careful I�m going to lose out on the only family I will ever have.
10:00 a.m. - August 12, 2005
every minute, every second that goes by reminds me that i'm getting further and further away from what i want. i didn't used to care that there wasn't a point to anything, now its all i can do to stop myself from just screaming "give me a fucking point". i've switched off. i'm not living, i'm just coasting. i'm not sure i've ever lived. i feel kind of sick.
9:11 a.m. - August 12, 2005
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