well i guess i'm never eating again. i'm perfectly aware that i've been looking a bit fat and dumpy lately but someone just said to me while i was minding my own business making a cup of tea in the office kitchen. "you must be a size 8". she looked slightly embarrassed when i told her that i'm actually a size 4 or even a 2 on a good day but proceeded to dig herself a further hole by suggesting my large breasts made her think i was bigger. yeh thanks.
9:34 a.m. - August 10, 2005
i woke up at 5am and there were so many thoughts spilling out of my head that i couldn't get back to sleep. most of the thoughts were utter nonsense, fall-out from whatever strange dreams i'd been having. one thought stood out though. i feel homesick. i got up and called home. no-one answered. but i just sat and listened to the phone ringing for a while because knowing that i was making a noise in my parents house made me feel closer to them.
we spend most of our time painting and decorating at the moment. the apartment just looks better and better and i'm slowly falling in love with it. but i know we are making it beautiful for someone else. everytime i think of moving back to england i think about how hard it will be. it will be hard for a million reasons. but i need my family.
5:32 a.m. - August 10, 2005
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