when we first decided to try for a baby i'm not sure we were fully committed to the idea. in fact to say we were scared shitless is probably an understatement. our initial discussion about starting a family took place in a cave in a hotel in turkey and it ended in tears. somehow we sorted things out and started trying to get pregnant a few months later. i think we were both quite shocked when we found out i was pregnant. happy but shocked. we were even more shocked when we found out i'd had a miscarriage last christmas. it was a few months before we could seriously start trying again and five long and sometimes painful months after that before i got pregnant again. this time though i knew it was what i wanted and i never for a moment worried that we were making a mistake. being pregnant for the first time is scary but being pregnant after losing a baby is so much worse. every day that goes by i thank the stars that things are going ok. and every day that things are going ok i fall more in love with the little person growing inside me. back in the cave in turkey i remember talking about how a baby would change our relationship. i was concerned that loving someone else would mean that we had less love for each other. i didn't realise that just as the baby grows each day, the amount of love you have grows. i can't believe how much i love my baby (and she's not even here yet) and how much more i love my husband. i can't wait to start my family life.
8:40 p.m. - January 31, 2008
it's very rare for me to sleep through the whole night now. i woke up in the early hours this morning, the birds were singing, despite the darkness outside, and baby g was already busy squiggling around. the cg, who was more asleep than awake, curled round me with his hand on my undulating belly and as i lay there i couldn't help thinking how perfect things are.
5:45 p.m. - January 31, 2008
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