today has been surreal. i've only felt this way twice before, on september 11th and when i watched that guy kill himself by jumping in front of the tube train i was waiting for.
ian and i both feel strange about being here in vancouver when our country is dealing with so much sorrow. you'd think that something like this would make us glad we weren't there but it has only increased the amount we miss england and made us feel more isolated away across the ocean. i've never felt patriotic. I don't really believe in the idea of countries and caring more about a stranger who lives within an invisible line than one who doesn't. but right now i just want to hug my homeland and make it all better.
i have a headache.
3:28 p.m. - July 07, 2005
"fuckers
i'm so sad and angry right now and it's not helping that people keep saying to me "well london is a big place so i doubt anyone you know will have been hurt". i know london. i know that. although it hasn't stopped me checking with people. but it's bigger than worrying about friends and family being hurt. it's a violation of a place i love in a country i belong to. but of course england is far far away from here and while most people know something has happened they don't care enough to find out what and don't understand why i feel so bitter...."
i was wrong about people not caring. a few people have come to see me just to talk about it and see if my loved ones are ok. email and text messaging are wonderous things when you need instant notification that people are alive and well.
11:07 a.m. - July 07, 2005
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