"where the fuck are the balloons???"
8:06 p.m. - July 29, 2004
so after spending the last 2 hours reluctantly typing "the letters" (see previous entry) i've just found out that they were in fact wrong. i should be doing an "i told you so" dance but unfortunately i'm too busy tearing up an afteroon's work. i assist a department of 10 consultants. in my brief interview for the position they suggested that my role would be somewhat akin to a sheepdog herding sheep. personally, i think a sheepdog herding monkeys might have been a more accurate description.
3:32 p.m. - July 29, 2004
i have what i think is usually refered to as a thumping headache. work is aiding and abetting the pain. i am one of those people who finds it hard to follow instructions when i think the instructions are totally dumb. i obviously still have to follow "orders" at work but i'm unable to carry them out with any speed because every few seconds i have to cease what i am doing to sigh heavily, take my sunglasses off my head and put them back again, and express to myself how fucking dumb what i'm doing is. i am currently struggling with a request to write a number of letters. the person who made the request is not the person responsible for making the decision to write to these people, the person who is responsible is on vacation, the person who works with the person who is on vacation said "whatever" when i asked if the letters should be sent. if all that wasn't enough to irritate my cranium, the letter itself is probably going to create more hassle for myself and our clients because i don't think anyone here really knows (or cares) what the heck is going on. the whole thing is pissing me off but i guess i just type the letters, get them the hell off my desk and forget about them until i'm proved right about them being wrong.
2:08 p.m. - July 29, 2004
i think we all know by now that i'm not completely sane so it won't affect anyones opinion of me to explain how i feel at the moment.
years ago i saw a pair of shoes. they were black and had toes so pointed that you could thread a needle with them (funny how even bad fashion trends come back again). i thought they were very very cool and, using all my allowance, i bought them. anyway, i got the shoes home, took them out of the box and suddenly decided that i hated them. i hated them so much i couldn't even stand to look at them and all i wanted to do was get them back to the shop as soon as possible. it was a week before i could go back to the store and i spent the whole time feeling "bad" about the shoes. i couldn't get a refund on the shoes, only an exchange, and there was nothing else i would want from that store but i didn't care i just didn't want the shoes.
i had a similar experience with a vinyl copy of the cure - head on the door. i bought the record, took it home and found it was scratched. i took it back to the store, got another copy, it was also scratched. i took that one back and from that moment on i couldn't even stand to look at the record. i got bad vibes every time i even thought about it so i never played it despite the fact that the cure were my favourite band (i was 15 give me a break!!).
anyway, the point i'm slowly meandering towards is that right now i'm feeling much the same way about work as i did about those shoes and that record. i can't bear it. it makes me feel icky. i don't want to go in and once i'm in i feel bad until i leave. i assume this is a short-term thing. at least i hope it is because work isn't something i can get a refund on...although i suppose i could get an exchange.
9:48 a.m. - July 29, 2004
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