i spent a lot of my youth burying my head in the sand. now at least i've upgraded to burying my nose in a good book.
1:17 p.m. - July 16, 2004
we've just got back from a stroll to the marina at the end of the block on which we live. we sat on the steps by the water and looked out at the sea and the boats and listened to the laughter and music coming from the bars behind us. it was dark but there were small lights twinkling from the patios and from across the water at science world. it would have been romantic if we hadn't been sitting there in silence, me with tears running down my cheeks. i don't know what to say other than i felt sick and sad and angry and stupid and pointless and even a little bit scared. its all a game. the big things and the little things are all just games. i don't want to play right now. i'm taking my bat and ball home.
10:23 p.m. - July 15, 2004
today, i hate reality tv shows with a ferocity that i did not know i could possess. they depress me. they remind me that people are really fucking stupid and self centred. i prefer not to have that shoved in my face every day. anyway, the good thing is that i'm reading more than ever. reading is good, tv is bad.
today, i prefer less hot men who talk to me of culture and history and attitudes to hot men who say "i was thinking about your accent and how you pronounce your h's...this is the kind of thing i think about in the shower".
today, i am finally going to see farenheit 911.
today, has been an ok day.
6:22 p.m. - July 15, 2004
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