we had a lunch time "party" to celebrate the fact that one of my co-workers is getting married next weekend. this involved much sandwich munching and almost unpleasant amounts of small talk. at some point the conversation turned to weight issues, as it unfortunately often does when a bunch of women get together. out of the blue one of the girls turned to me and asked "how do you keep your figure looking so good?". everyone stared at me, presumably waiting for an answer. i laughed because this seemed such an absurd thing for someone to say to me. i can't see myself in the mirror anymore. i have no concept of whether i am fat or thin or somewhere in the middle (actually i'm pretty damn sure i'm not thin). i get so many conflicting ideas from the media, from looking at other women, from the size of clothing i wear, from the fact that no less than 4 people have told me that my jeans look great today. my mother has always been worried about my weight, so i guess that's what i do too.
1:14 p.m. - August 22, 2003
so i did something i really don't approve of last night. i copied one of my CDs, song for song, for the CT Yankee. its his birthday in just over a weeks time, i know he really likes this CD because he played it a million times when he was staying with me and i have no idea where i would buy it if i were to go that route since my copy is from a second hand store in LA. i'm listening to it now and it reminds me of the CG and i driving throught the santa monica mountains singing at the top of our voices. not the sweetest of sounds.
9:05 a.m. - August 22, 2003
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