the PB informed me that one of her self imposed duties following her summer wedding is to take responsibility for sending birthday/christmas cards to her new husbands family. i think i must have missed the small print on the marriage license that outlines this rule. i more or less kept my mouth shut because i didn't want to get the PB's knickers in a twist about this but i couldn't help thinking that this was wrong, wrong, wrong. i'm very close to the CG's family. i would be quite happy to send them cards. however, if i do that for him then i will be taking away from his relationship with them. maybe his brother wouldn't care who sent the card but i'm pretty sure that it means a lot to his younger sister when she gets a card from him. anyway today the CG emailed me and asked if i could pleeeeease get a fathers day card for him to send to his dad. i asked him what kind of card he wanted me to get (i had enough trouble picking one for my own dad!) and his response was "i trust your judgement". not fair!! i don't know what that means. i sent him an email asking "does that mean i can get one with golf clubs on the front?? sorry but i have a headache and it would be better if i had some idea of what to get so i don't stand there ages trying to find a card to accurately reflect the relationship between you and your father." the reply suggested something without golfclubs and without too much sap. so nursing my sore head i sneaked out of work and went to the card store. i picked up about a million cards that were for "number 1 dads who had given their kids their good looks while teaching them everything they knew" and just as i was about to say "sod it" i found the perfect card:
outside - "in 1972, President Richard M. Nixon signed a proclomation establishing a permanent national observation of the third sunday in june as father's day".
inside - "almost makes up for that whole "watergate" thing. don't you think?...have a happy fathers day - it's the law!"
this is the perfect fathers day card from the CG to his father (you'd have to know them both to understand) and i think he owes me big time.
did i mention that i got my dad a card with golf clubs on it....i'm feeling kind of bad about that now!
3:37 p.m. - June 10, 2003
not that i think i need any advice when it comes to relationships (i learnt the hard way) but i somehow came across a website with �helpful tips to re-ignite that flame of passion in you and your partner�. there was a list of about 30 things you could do to �have him in the palm of your hand...� but i picked a few favourites and followed them with my own thoughts:
� tell him you're in love with him, and write it in a card (what a fucking waste of paper...he�s not going to care about a stupid card�he�d rather have it written on the outside of a new computer game)
� engrave a key chain for him with a special message (he already has a key chain and even if he doesn�t i doubt he would want to carry round a piece of tacky crap with the words �i love you snugglebum� written on it so all his mates can take the piss out of him every time he goes out in the car with them)
� ask questions (are you cheating on me? well? are you?) (there�s nothing like trying to mend a relationship by accusing him of being a cheating bastard! and if you have to ask then lets face it you already know its never going to work).
� write him a letter, describe yourself, tell him why you love him and sign it "your secret admirer." (am i the only one who thinks that sending a letter to your significant other with a full description of yourself is a little fucked up)
� hug him tightly (around the jugular) (�and???�strangle him until he says that he loves you???
� send him flowers to his office. (the cg would change the locks on our apartment and throw all my belongings 23 storey�s down into the street if i did that�.bless him)
maybe i have the wrong idea about men but i just don�t think this is what they want (at least not the ones i�m attracted to). what they want is for women to be a little more flexible, a smidge less demanding and on the whole a itty-bit more independent (ie interesting). oh and blow jobs...you have to give them lots and lots of blow jobs. simple.
2:50 p.m. - June 10, 2003
i�ve been residing in north american for more than two years now and i�m still having trouble learning to live with the way things are advertised over here. time and therapy have helped me cope with the fact that a tv program is something which is shown inbetween commercials and not the other way around, but i�m still having a hard time understanding why:
a) there are so many medical commercials which insist you should demand their product from your doctor but then don�t explain what the pills are for.
b) fast food restaurants take great pride in informing the public that the cheese in their burgers is processed. i can�t quite work out if they are telling us this because processed cheese is a delicacy over here, or if they are legally obliged to point out that their cheese is of the rubber variety.
�..works calls�maybe i�ll come back to this later�
10:55 a.m. - June 10, 2003
i had a glass of water at about 10am and by 10.30am i had thrown up the afore-mentioned glass of water in the office bathroom. after consulting a few seemingly self-centred colleagues, who were more concerned about whether my illness was contagious than the fact that i felt bad, i went home and proceeded to completely waste a day watching maury and dr. phil.
i nearly got caught checking out something very embarrassing on the internet. thank god i have had plenty of practice with my webpage minimizing skills. i probably wouldn't have minded if i'd been looking at something nice and healthy like porn but what i was actually doing was watching a live clip of ghost of the robot because i have a sad and pathetic crush on the blonde (BLONDE!) singer. let us never talk of this again.
so only last week i was worrying my pretty head about the CG and his lack of love for his current job. what a difference a day makes (or a week in this case). within the last few days, not only has the CG's boss approached him about a management position (which he seems quite interested in since a) he would no longer have to put up with doing things in a way he felt was not the best way to do them b) his boss agreed that working long hours like some of the managers did was not necessary and c) he would get piles more money) but he has also been contacted by another local company he might be interested in working for and in about an hours time he will be having a chat with them. i'm kind of wondering what the hell i was worrying about!
8:42 a.m. - June 10, 2003
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