i may as well start by saying that i'm highly fucked off. i don't believe in star signs but if i did i wouldn't be able to disagree with the fact that virgos are perfectionists. i want things to be perfect and i get very pissed when they are not. being pregnant and having the baby in june was perfect. everything was going to fit so well...the timing of the sale of the apartment, the timing of the move home. now it's all fucked and i can't get it to un-fuck. i'm going to loose out on maternity benefits (since i'll have to leave work before my maternity leave is due) which seriously sucks because i've worked my ass off for the last 15 years and i deserve those benefits. and i'm going to loose wages because i can't exactly go for a job interview in england when i'm already 3 months pregnant (presuming i get pregnant within the next 6 months), which means no money and me sitting around like a sack of potatoes for about 6 months. the best case scenerio is that i don't get pregnant at all and that's even worse. i know there is a choice. i know that having a baby should mean more than all the money we have to forfeit but it still pisses me off because if everything had gone right we wouldn't be in this position. plus i need a fucking holiday (i've needed one since we lost the baby) and i can't have one until all these stupid details are sorted out. ok rant over (for now).
10:13 a.m. - February 27, 2007
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