I love my husband so very much. I want him home. I should have stayed at the hospital with him. I'm tired and maybe that's why I suddenly feel so afraid of losing him. I don't know how I'm going to get through tonight. I should never have looked it up in the Internet. Everyone knows that's a bad thing to do. But I did and I can't unread what I read. I want to make promises to a god I don't believe in. I want him home. I wish my daughter was here with me. Sometimes when I feel wrong I go into her room and watch her sleeping peacefully and I feel better. I doubt that would work tonight but I hate being here alone. Everyone keeps saying he'll be fine (not the doctors though now I think of it) but they don't know what I know. He didn't respond to the first antibiotics so how do we know he'll respond to the second ones. I left the hospital without even giving this a thought. I imagined it was all just a simple procedure that was guaranteed to have him home tomorrow. Maybe he will be home tomorrow. Maybe I am just tired. Please let me just be tired. Please let him come home tomorrow.
10:48 p.m. - August 20, 2013
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