i did a pregnancy test this morning. it was negative. even thought it was only our first month of trying i still feel bad. i'd been hoping that because i got pregnant so quickly last time that it would happen again but there's a chance it won't. there's a chance it will take a year or more. and even if i do get pregnant, in the near or far future, there's a chance i'll loose it again. and if i don't loose it again there's a chance that there will be something wrong with the baby. i know i shouldn't have these negative thoughts but they are the reality of the situation and i have to face the fact that i am amost 37 and the risks are greater. i want to say that this isn't fair but i can't because it was my decision to wait this long and i have to accept the consequences. i almost want to give up.
12:40 p.m. - April 10, 2007
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