as part of the prep for selling the apartment i've been going through boxes of "keepsakes" and trying to eliminate some stuff. i have an absolutely enormous box of photographs and i spent a whole evening sifting through them to see what i could get rid of. about half of them (photo's of ex boyfriends, photo's of places i don't even remember going, out of focus pictures, pictures that are so unflattering they should not be viewed again) ended up in the trash. one thing i noticed from looking though the photo's is that, despite what my mother has been telling me all these years, i didn't used to be fat. there are photo's of me in my early 30's (which isn't that long ago!) where i look pretty damn good. there is one photo of me, in particular, which was taken just before i left london, and i like the way i look. the outfit isn't that great (tight jeans with an unpleasantly high waist!) but i look healthy and happy and my body shape suits me. i want that back. this is where the problem lies. getting fit isn't easy...at least not for me. i believe that you only get the things that you really want because only when you really really want them are you willing to make the effort. i want this. i just hope i want it enough.
ps i went to the gym last night and stayed there long enough to be a little bit sore today. that's a good start.
9:30 a.m. - January 03, 2007
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