last night i had a nightmare in which the CG suddenly realised he was gay. he was very excited about his new gayness and kept reading me bits from a newspaper article his gay lover had written about their first sexual encouter together. i was not very excited about his new gayness and in fact felt very very sick. i kept wondering where i was going to fit in with things.....
...yesterday a bombshell was dropped at work. the CEO announced that our department was no longer needed in its current form, my boss would no longer be my boss, and all our work would be shifted to other people who didn't know how to do it (although he obviously didn't phrase it that way). while i was still reeling from this news, the human resources manager asked to talk to me in her office. she wanted to tell me about the new senior admin position that was being advertised; this being the position that my cubicle neighbour has had her eye on since it was advertised a week or so ago and that i had no interest in applying for since i didn't realise that my own job was going to be in certain jeopardy. when i came back to my desk and started trying to process this new twist, my mother called from spain. she was upset about never getting to talk to me. i came off the phone in tears because i hate my mum being upset. at which point the cubicle neighbour decided to ignore my distress and quiz me about whether the HR person had asked me to speak to me about the job or i had gone to her. later she told me that after seeing me with the HR person she had gone to talk to her and was told she couldn't apply for the position. i felt so bad for her. and she has barely spoken to me since. by the time i left work i was an emotional blob and i just kept wondering where i was going to fit in with things.....
it was sunny when i walked into work and i'm not sure how la la la turned to arghh so quickly.
2:32 p.m. - March 12, 2004
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