i don’t know how to explain this. I don’t even know if I understand it. basically, I feel so sad about the state of my relationship with my family that I feel the need to retain some of the good Christmas traditions from my childhood. the problem is that my husbands family has different traditions and I can’t seem to make him understand how important it is for me to sometimes do things the way I remember them. his parents are both dead. his mum died when he was 14. I don’t want to take anything away from him but for some reason I feel sad that I can’t do things the way I remember us doing them when I was growing up.
7:32 p.m. - December 17, 2018
Woke up just after 3am feeling sick and on the verge of panic. Now i’m In the kitchen drinking tea and trying to unwind the mess that is my crazy ball of wool mind so I can go back to sleep. If I don’t sleep, i’ll be exhausted tomorrow and if i’m tired everything always seems more difficult. My brain can be completely rational about these things - it knows everything is fine, it knows what I have to do to be ok - but my brain can also sabotage any positive thoughts I have with slivers of doubt. Stupid brain.
3:23 a.m. - October 23, 2018
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