bollocks. bugger and bollocks. i don't know what else to say. i thought that time would make it better but it hasn't and she has tried to kill herself again. i sat by the phone for days last time waiting to hear if she would come out of the coma. i'm wondering now if it would have been better..what a horrible thing to think. what a horrible situation for her and for everyone else. i didn't know how things could ever be normal again after the last time...now i know without any doubt that they never will be the same for some. i wish there was some solution that was good. but it's a waste of a wish. fuck.
4:40 p.m. - November 17, 2010
G woke up crying at about 3am, poor thing. i got out of bed and went in to see her. i lay her down and put the covers over her. she promptly kicked them off - twice - but then settled down. i hung around for a while to check she was ok and ended up falling asleep on the day bed in her room. i woke up about an hour later, after a bunch of freaky dreams and shuffled back to our bedroom. the cg hadn't even noticed i'd gone. i wasn't even awake for that long but i've felt kind of crappy tired all day. despite that it's been a nice low key kind of day.
9:02 p.m. - July 09, 2010
one minute i'm in a blind panic that things are not going to be ready for the party at the weekend, the next minute i'm convinced that i can just do a quick tidy up and a big grocery shop the day before everyone arrives. the reality is it's only family and a few friends and i don't see any of them complaining if the house is a bit dirty or there aren't enough chips for the dips!
i'm actually pretty knackered after playgroup this morning. by the end of the 2 hour session i was practically breaking a sweat and all i had done was sit at a table helping a bunch of kids cut out fish shapes and decorate them. i will say that it was a pretty damn popular craft activity. i used almost all of the 50 paper plates i had. it was nice to see the kids having fun but i don't think i'm cut out to be a primary school teacher. i'm not exaggerating when i say that i found the whole thing pretty intense!
1:25 p.m. - July 07, 2010
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