i'm going to buy a pregnancy test on the way home from work. i'm excited but not so excited that i would be upset if the test is negative. it's early days.
i don't think i'm nervous about getting pregnant again but i still think about the miscarriage. yesterday i was drying my hair in the cg's bathroom. for some reason i suddenly remembered the awful phonecall i had to make to my parents at 3am to tell them i'd lost the baby. my mum was devastated. i've never heard her that upset before. she was trying so hard to be there for me and keep calm but she ended up handing the phone to my dad. today i thought about the hospital and the operation and the woman who shared my hospital room. i was in so much pain, physically and mentally, and she came and sat with me and said a prayer. i'm not religious but she gave me new faith in human nature and, although i don't know her name, i will never forget her. when i left the hospital she was sleeping. i left a note for her.
12:44 p.m. - February 09, 2007
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