a couple of days ago i found out that a friend of a friend, who got pregnant at the same time as me, has just lost her baby. they are younger than us and they had been trying quite a bit longer than we did. i feel very sad for the couple. at the same time though i can't help thinking that statistically the more problems other people have with their pregnancies/births the more chance i have of my baby being ok. i feel sick with guilt for thinking these thoughts and i would never wish the pain of losing a child on anyone but the need i have for my own baby to be fine is almost overwhelming. we have to make a decision about an amnio in the next month or so. in canada only women over 35 are offered this and i am 36. there is a 1 in 200 to 1 in 400 chance that something will go wrong with the test and i will lose the baby. did i ever mention how much i hate gambling and to me this is the ultimate gamble because there is a life involved.
9:42 a.m. - November 24, 2006
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