i removed that last entry because i decided a long time ago that my diary was not going to be a place to put other people down in any shape or form. if i have a problem with someone i should at least give them the chance to respond to it or i should hold back the bitterness. i don't want to be the kind of person that slams other people because things aren't quite as perfect as i want them to be, i'd like to be better than that. so tomorrow when i wake up i will make sure that my first cup of tea of the day is half full not half empty.
10:29 p.m. - November 18, 2002
when i was pacing the apartment at 4am, waiting for the pain-killers to kick in so i could go back to bed, the sky was clear and there was not a drop of rain in sight. by the time i exited my building to walk to work the heavens had opened and, to put it bluntly, it was pissing it down. i like the rain. however, i do not like umbrellas. they drive me nuts because they are big and wet and highly inconvenient.
last night when we were lying on the bed watching tv and just hanging out he said to me �i still get excited about seeing you when we have been apart�. i know exactly what he means. we have known each other for thirteen years so surely we should be sick of the sight of each other by now. i am glad we aren't.
i got an email from my sister this morning. i had decided a few weeks ago that i was not going to contact her until she contacted me because the last time we spoke we had a bit of an argument. i am always the one to call or email her because i worry about her sometimes. anyway, a couple of weekends ago, i tried to tell her that maybe she wouldn�t be so unhappy if she dated guys who weren�t already married and she told me in so many words that i wasn�t in a fit position to a) tell her about happiness because i suffer from depression and b) chastise her about cheating when i don�t have a great track record myself. of course, neither of these things are issues i want throwing in my face�particularly since i am long off the medication and a million miles away from my days of �relationship confusion�, so after putting down the phone on her i decided that i�d had enough of caring for a while. anyway today i got an email. she didn�t mention the phone call. nor did she mention that it was mum who had made her write, although i know damn well it was.
10:51 a.m. - November 18, 2002
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