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Thoughts on dealing with death
January 05, 2012 - 1:24 p.m.

I haven't listened to software slump by grandaddy for a million years. I'm finding solice in cleaning and music. I always feel better when things are clean, tidy and organised, when everything is in its place. I need to feel in control of at least something. Dealing with death is a real emotional roller coaster. I imagined that you would feel a continuous sadness but it doesn't work like that. There are periods of feeling fine, even laughter and then you remember and then you feel sad and guilty that you forgot even for a second. In addition to cleaning, I've been doing all the little jobs around the house that have been neglected and finding the pieces of furniture we need to finish furnishing. I don't know what the cg thinks of this. His dad is dead and I'm buying bookshelves. I just feel the need stop procrastinating and get on with things. I don't want to waste any more time. I haven't seen the cg much anyway. He's been down at his sister's since last week dealing with all the many arrangements. I miss him.

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